God's Call: grace that looks beyond our own self-assessments to the truth of who God calls us to be.

Sunday August 28 was the 40th Anniversary of my ordination to Christian ministry, hence the cake from the congregation at Montrose Baptist Church - which I am slicing up to share!).

A whole tangle of thoughts and feelings accompany such a milestone in a life which has been given in service to God and to the church. These include a sense of wonder verging on disbelief; gratitude that others have trusted and entrusted this person in the deep places of their experience; regret, best experienced as repentance for mistakes made, for wrong turnings that could have been foreseen, or experiences underused as resources for future wisdom; humility, which is always in danger of being self-congratulatory that it is felt at all, but yes, humility as a healthy sense of unworthiness; gladness that I have fulfilled a full working life following a vocation out of both necessity and choice, a daily saying of yes when sometimes circumstances and experiences urged and tempted me to say no. 

Anniversaries are more than dates, and are about more than celebration. I still remember the promises I made that day, to God and with all those present as witnesses. I remember too the weight of responsibility and life occasion combined with the kind of faith and trust that perhaps only the young can enjoy and experience as risk, confidence and inadequacy all bundled up in that theological word deceptive in its depth, "calling". Amongst the few unchangeable continuities in my own understanding of ministry through those four decades is that ministry is service, and that Jesus words about us all being unprofitable servants provide the loadstone that points ministry away from ourselves and always to Christ, the magnetic north of the soul.

Called, not because we are worthy, but by a grace that looks beyond our own self-assessments to the truth of who God calls us to be. Called, not to leadership which assumes to itself recognised office and conferred institutional authority, but which is demonstrated, embodied and lived in a life dedicated to Christ and characterised by a basin, a towel, broken bread, poured wine, and a cross carried for love of the world God loves. Called, not in the exclusive sense that only those called to "the ministry" are "really" called, but in the inclusive sense that all are called to self-giving love, disciplined trusting obedience, and grateful, glad service offered to God in Christ, and in the power of the Holy Spirit. And that in the end, we are all unprofitable servants.

The verse that has followed me through my years of ministry is Romans 1.12. It was one of my first sermons in my first church. It taught me that ministry is mutual, reciprocal, communal - we receive more than we give, we share in the riches and poverty of the people of God, we live in a fellowship with others that is both gift and demand. Thus Paul says with a particular care to avoid paternalist pastoral presumptions -

                              "I want us to be encouraged by one another's faith when I am with you, I by yours and yours by mine." (REB)

Reflecting on those 40 years I have countless memories of that exchange of gift that we call ministry, and am grateful to all those so many people whose faith has encouraged me, and by God's grace, whose faith has been encouraged on our journey together.

One of the hymns I chose for that ordination service has remained an occasional check-list of what it is I am about and why, and how, and where, and for whom. I'm not sure if it is ever sung now; it certainly isn't amenable to a praise band, and neither the words nor the tune is upbeat catchy. But it said then, to a young man amazed at what he desired as a chosen way of life, and just as amazed that others didn't laugh at the very thought of it, it said then, as it says now, what is the deep truth that this life has been lived towards. For me, as for all whose lives are disrupted and transformed and energised towards God, none of it would have happened but for the grace of God. Grace is a gift that comes unsought, unlooked for, unexpected, undeserved; it is a gift that ignites the furnaces of gratitude, joy and obedience. It is a grace that calls us to follow, to take up the cross and walk uphill with Jesus. And maybe my love of the hills and the outdoors is about more than my early years of trekking the countryside; perhaps it is also the metaphor that sustains ministry, and reminds of that grace which demands of us the faith of obedience.

Christ of the upward way, my Guide divine,
Where Thou hast set Thy feet, may I place mine;
And move and march wherever Thou hast trod,
Keeping face forward up the hill of God.

Give me the heart to hear Thy voice and will,
That without fault or fear I may fulfill
Thy purpose with a glad and holy zest,
Like one who would not bring less than his best.

Give me the eye to see each chance to serve,
Then send me strength to rise with steady nerve,
And leap at once with kind and helpful deed,
To the sure succor of a soul in need.

Give me the good stout arm to shield the right,
And wield Thy sword of truth with all my might,
That, in the warfare I must wage for Thee,
More than a victor I may ever be.

Christ of the upward way, my Guide divine,
Where Thou hast set Thy feet, may I place mine;
And when Thy last call comes, serene and clear,
Calm may my answer be, “Lord, I am here.”

Walter Mathams

Comments

[Kathleen Long]

Beautiful reflection. Thank you for sharing your thoughts at the time of your remarkable "follow me" anniversary.
I am layperson, a woman in New Jersey, USA, who one day stumbled upon your blog. I grew up in the Roman Catholic Church and changed to ELCA Lutheran in 2003 at age 51. Sometimes I forward your blog to my Pastor and to friends. Perhaps they also share your thoughts. There is no holding back the Gospel.
“The Bible is alive, it speaks to me; it has feet, it runs after me; it has hands, it lays hold of me...” Martin Luther

May God bless you and hold you in the palm of His hand.
Happy Anniversary.

[Jim Gordon]

Thank you Kathleen for your encouragement, and for sharing a little of your own journey. A big year coming up in 2017 for Lutherans and the whole church. A couple of good biographies are already issued - they'll feature in later blog posts. Greetings from Scotland!