Today I had another one of those threatening but courteous reminders about an overdue library book. Just so that I know, and don't forget, and therefore will be in the words of the Authorised Version, "inexcusable O Man!", I am being reminded of the cumulative nature of the library fine system, and being forewarned that I may soon face my very own personal credit crunch. Thing is, the book cost £4 about 12 years ago, so unless I return it soon I will be paying the purchase price without actually buying it. Then again, why not just return the thing - but life's been too busy and a wee fine seems a fair trade-off to attend to other priorities. Or why not renew it online. Well, can't renew it online once it has hit the fine trajectory.
But the genius of the cumulative fine system is that it pushes returning the book up the priority list, the speed of ascent directly proportionate to projected expense. I have found by previous experience that mitigating circumstances have neither relevance nor purchase power with the library staff. The same courtesy that informs the tone of the emails is discernible in the non-negotiating, smiling but unyielding insistence that, yes indeed, you do owe an arm and a leg, and until you pay it, the amount increases at an alarming rate. And once it reaches a certain level of impressive indebtedness, your library access will be suspended.
So, as well as last minute Christmas shopping, and as a contribution to peace on earth and goodwill amongst all people, I'm going to return the blessed book, pay my dues, wish the librarian a happy Christmas, and maybe even include a wee box of chocolates for those vigilant guardians of literature, scholarship, literacy and culture. Anyway being charged for keeping a book longer than the agreed borrow date isn't so much a fine, as a legitimate rent payment, a modest charge for the hire of educational input, huh? Rationalisation - one of the more obvious signs of excuse making, when to re-quote Paul, "You are inexcusable, O man!" I'm off to the library..........
'I'm off to the library'. I should think so. How could you ever do such a terrible thing? I hope that your soul is not so hardened by this travesty that the chocolates in any way alleviate your guilt.
Oh, and Merry Christmas you inexcusable poet.
Jason
BTW. I like the new layout.
Posted by: Jason Goroncy | December 20, 2007 at 10:51 AM
Mea culpa, Jason. Indeed I am so ashamed I'm considering going to the library dressed as in the photo, in the hope that no one will recognise me on my subsequent visits. The hat is greatly coveted by Margaret who has more than once requested a further occasional fashion statement! Have a good Christmas yersel, Jason - and in 2008, I will make it a personal mission to actually meet the said Jason Goroncy, whom having not seen, I nevertheless believe exists, on the testimony of two reliable witnesses - Derrick and Stephen!
Posted by: Jim Gordon | December 20, 2007 at 03:02 PM
Haven't been by your blog for a while. Imagine my joy at seeing the hat again! Happy Christmas!
Posted by: Margaret | December 24, 2007 at 09:41 PM